Just me

I think he has gotten the point. He hasn't tried to get in touch with me for a few weeks. Thats a good thing.

I mentioned to my husband what he did. My husbands reaction got me laughing. His ego grew! 'My friend wants my wife! Because I married someone fantastic!' Says this as he is slightly dancing a jig in the kitchen.

I haven't mentioned what happen to the guy's girl-friend. I don't see the point. He might be a dog, but he is one of those people that everyone loves! I don't think many would believe what he did to me. Especially one who is blinded by love. So no point in drama. I'll just hope she moves on and finds someone worth her.

Always. It doesn't fail. The people that use to make me calm and happy are driving me mad.
Always tired, always grumpy, always critical.
Talking about anything doesn't happen either. No matter what I bring up I get little or no response. I really don't know what is going on. If something that is bothering me comes up I get chastised that I am not doing things right about it. Being alone lately seems to be better than being around anyone. I feel fine until someone I love comes close to me.
Their tiredness is making me exhausted. Their grumpy-ness is making me full of anxiety.
This place is small and not much to do. So getting out and meeting new people to get some sort of enjoyable interaction isn't the easiest thing to accomplish. I don't want to be alone all the time. Yet that seems to be my option now-a-days.

I did have a friend, actually a couple that I was having coffee with a few times a week. The guy I have known for several years. Then about a year ago he got a girlfriend. She seemed nice enough. That was nice for a while, but now even they aren't an option anymore. All of a sudden guy decided I was attractive. So he decided to start hitting on me! I've known him for years! What the F!!! Now he is with her, all happy. After a year together they are even looking to buy a place and move in together and NOW he starts hitting on me? First of all we were JUST friends. For YEARS, just friends! I'm married and now he has this girl he 'says' he is head over heels for and he starts hitting on me? What a dog!
I am really starting to think a cave in the middle of nowhere might be a good idea for me.

Only a proxy. How delightful!

Someone who has tried to take away something so meaningful, so precious to me because of her own selfish wants...
How delightful is it to find out that she is only a proxy to the person she loves. Perhaps that makes me mean, or evil?, that I find delight in this news.
I see it as poetic justice. Or maybe Karma.

She's just a proxy!

I want to go home. Yet where I feel at home is not really my home. Never felt like home was home ever till I went to this place. Now I can only visit. Some people I would go to visit aren't in my life anymore so it is harder to go to where I feel at home. Feels weird, but I still want to go home for a visit.

Relax, breath, don't say too much. Light chat, keep secrets inside. no opening up.

My friend's baby... about 2 years old woke up asking for a lollypop.
Her mom gave her a lollypop for breakfast.

What the hell???

Just to clarify... the last post had nothing to do with the situation with my best-friend. I do need to stop calling him that I think.

I have backed away and am still away. He talked to me once since I backed off and of course everything went to hell when she came round.
Why do I get treated like I am the one throwing the fits and causing the problems?
Yup.. best to stay away.  :(

Does it ever feel like the mistakes that were made in the past were the big ones. So nothing will make the future right?

I am not sure if my relationship with him falls into this category. Yet there are a few things that would make me think so. There is this article I found 'Can't let go of a bad Relationship'. Reading some of the comments, I would say we are nothing like them. Yet there are little things that suggest a similar path. I am kind of happy that we weren't of a romantic relationship. Now there I think he is way off in how things go. That would be very bad place to be in. Like in his situation now. He is not in a healthy relationship and things are happening that is on the road to abuse. I tried to talk to him about this today. I ended up hanging up on him, he just started yelling. I called back when I thought he would be calmer.

I don't think he wants to see the truth of what is going on. So I am keeping my distance. Yet, I am getting such a guilty feeling of abandoning him... When it was he ho abandoned our friendship in the first place. Well, I've warned him and I will be there for him if he asks, but I don't think he will. So I am safely away from this time bomb

I did find this article very helpful. So I thought I would share it. There is probably someone out there that would find this very helpful.

(it is confirmed, she is manipulating him)

Ok, yes I realize I am messed up. I've known this. It is so hard when you know your strongly connected to someone and you need to let them go. So I am looking into ways to fix this.
So I am trying to not focus on the details of the relationship. I'm trying to focus on ways to let it go.

I love him to death, but that is always the reason people stay in abusive relationships. No, he isn't physically abusive, been there done that, I run at the first sign of physical abuse. So why do I stay with emotional abuse?
The funny thing is, I don't think he realizes he is doing. It is obvious, to me anyway, that this is going on. He doesn't realize the lack of respect, the bad treatment, inconsiderate actions. When he feels me backing away, he will give me that little reminder that we have a close connection. Not blatantly, but threw actions. The caring shows up, the love and compassion that had disappeared.

Well I don't want this relationship with the bad treatment anymore. I've tried to get things back to a more healthy positive relationship, but since he can't see the bad side to it, that isn't gonna go away. So it is time I do. Which completely breaks my heart and is what is making this such a difficult choice to make.

Me just saying 'Good-Bye' to him doesn't work either. I've tried that, he seems to see it coming and finds ways to avoid it. So yea.. that type of closure won't happen.
He is currently in a situation that keeps him very occupied, so I think this might be a good time to heal myself and move on.

Any support, advice, similar situations out there I would love to hear from you. Not sure I can do this alone, but I will do my best.

Heres to a new day!

So what do you do when you feel all alone?
He is gone. My best-friend of 5 years. No, not dead, just gone. The openness and closeness we had seemed to evaporate into thin air. We still speak on occasion, but it is like I am talking to a stranger.
Nothing is confided in any longer, nothing is comfortable anymore. This new girl that has entered his life seems to be controlling him. He feels she supports him in whatever he wants to do, yet he is always stressed when we talk claiming that it causes problems for them. How can that be if she is supposedly so understanding and supportive? Is it that I am a female, that his best-friend was not a man?

So, he is gone. I know he has been traumatized by loosing the first love of his life. Now all the girls I have witnessed him with are almost a mirror image of that one girl. So it is very hard for me to respect his choices in girl-friends. They all circle the same age range, body type, body art, activities,  insecurities, childishness...
"Look at me, I am a ballerina" then she spins around with her hands in the air. What is she 5? My last night visiting with him the last time I was in town, she did this as an attempt for his attention, after she changed her clothes into something more sexy. I wanted to scream at her... WE AREN'T LOVERS YOU DIM WHITED CHILD!!! Best-friends... I am not a threat to you. He wont leave you for me, we are FRIENDS! It is my last night in town, leave us in peace already!!!
We visit or use to visit with each other 3 to 4 times a year. We don't live that close to each other. Over 20 hours traveling time on trains and ferries to visit, so it doesn't happen all that often for us to be face to face.

The next visit is usually brought up when one ends. This time I was with my family, so we had other arrangements for where to stay. Normally I when I go there, I stay with him. When the next visit was brought up, he said staying with him would be a problem. So with her in his life, I am no longer welcome to stay at his house.
I don't think I will continue with the next visit. It was to be in November.

How can I just back off and not take it personally the way things have changed?
He told me he is still here. I haven't lost him, but he is wrong. I have lost him. I am alone again.

Bullshit high school drama! I am too old for this shit and none of us are in high school anymore. What is with people!!!?

I am at the happiest place on earth for me. No, not Disneyland. Yet nothing is going right.
I feel like screaming.
I wish the people that are making this trip horrid could just change moods. I love this place, I want to enjoy it!!!

Is it bad that nothing has come close to my first time?

Well it isn't quite morning anymore, but I had a nice one after a few days of headache hell.
A friend came over for lunch and just relaxed, chatted and watched some shows.
It's kind of gloomy outside, not great weather for summer time, but what to do? Guess I will straighten up the house before the husband gets home so the rest of the day will be a relaxing one.

Im in the corner watching you kiss her.... Im right over here, why cant you see me... 
I'm givin' it my all, but I'm not the girl you're takin' home..

I keep dancin' on my own...

Ever had a block party? I have not, at least not me personally and not in this country. I think it will be more mellow then in Cali.
Perhaps people will actually be nice and chat with me. It is hard being the odd one out. Having been a loner all my life I tend to not be the one that approaches others really.
Heres to hope that I will make new friends,

You know it is hard to let someone go even tho you know it is what's best for everyone. I mean if there is caring, love and a desire for each others happiness. How could it possibly not work? How could things fall apart so easily when they worked so well for years?

This is hard!

Bye my friend. The lack of respect is huge. You say you care, then you do this?
It's time for me to leave you. I will love yo always.