Just me

Always. It doesn't fail. The people that use to make me calm and happy are driving me mad.
Always tired, always grumpy, always critical.
Talking about anything doesn't happen either. No matter what I bring up I get little or no response. I really don't know what is going on. If something that is bothering me comes up I get chastised that I am not doing things right about it. Being alone lately seems to be better than being around anyone. I feel fine until someone I love comes close to me.
Their tiredness is making me exhausted. Their grumpy-ness is making me full of anxiety.
This place is small and not much to do. So getting out and meeting new people to get some sort of enjoyable interaction isn't the easiest thing to accomplish. I don't want to be alone all the time. Yet that seems to be my option now-a-days.

I did have a friend, actually a couple that I was having coffee with a few times a week. The guy I have known for several years. Then about a year ago he got a girlfriend. She seemed nice enough. That was nice for a while, but now even they aren't an option anymore. All of a sudden guy decided I was attractive. So he decided to start hitting on me! I've known him for years! What the F!!! Now he is with her, all happy. After a year together they are even looking to buy a place and move in together and NOW he starts hitting on me? First of all we were JUST friends. For YEARS, just friends! I'm married and now he has this girl he 'says' he is head over heels for and he starts hitting on me? What a dog!
I am really starting to think a cave in the middle of nowhere might be a good idea for me.

Only a proxy. How delightful!

Someone who has tried to take away something so meaningful, so precious to me because of her own selfish wants...
How delightful is it to find out that she is only a proxy to the person she loves. Perhaps that makes me mean, or evil?, that I find delight in this news.
I see it as poetic justice. Or maybe Karma.

She's just a proxy!