Just me

Angry and hurt. I feel like he did this to me. :(
How can you be so close one day then not care the next? I know that really isn't reality, but Arggggg

Why do we loose the ones we love?  :(

Well I guess thats it for now. We had a talk last night and it seems our friendship is really at a hault. Perhaps sometime in the future we will get it back on track. But when does that really happen when you fall out with a best-friend?
We finally talked talked last night. Pretty calm too after we got the conversation going.
Who knows how we got to this point, but we are here and I just have to learn to deal with it. Perhaps when I need to vent to my best-friend I will just have to post about it. Other than that I have no choice but to keep it to myself. It is always hard when we loose someone so close to us.
Well I haven't lost him, lost him. He will still be about, we will probably play the games we play, but our closeness, confiding in each other, being there threw anything is a thing of the past.
Makes you wanna destroy something, ya know...  :(

A - Age: 38


B - Book: Interview with a Vampire

C - Chore (dislike): Folding Landry, yuck!

D - Drink: Coffee, green tea, water

E - Eat: Salmon with asperagus, yummy

F - Flower: Fire Orange Roses

G - Gem: Emeralds

H - Height: 5'2"

I - Instruments: Nope, but I have Insomnia a lot

J - Joy: watching my little one play, hanging with my best friend, chatting with my older one

K - Kid(s): 2 that are 10 years apart

L - Living: In Norway.

M - Music: Rush, Queen

N - Noise: Low volume TV or radio in the background

O - Ornaments: Hmm not really, but I am an  Overly Sensitive person. Just found out.  :(

P - Pet Peeve: Closeminded people that think they are in a conversation with you and really all they are trying to do is to get you to do is think the way they do or do what they want.

Q - Quote: "A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day." - from Calvin and Hobbes

R - Right or left handed: Right

S - Sibling(s): 1 brother 3 sisters

T - Time you wake up: depends, 6:45am is the first, but I end up taking several naps since I can't sleep at night

U - Underwear: black shorts style

V - Vegetable: Avacados

W - Word: Yesterday

X - X-rays:broke my arm when I was 6

Y - Yearning: for my best-friend he's currently missing from our friendship  :(

Z - Zzzz: Morning, got insomnia

I am so tired. Emotionally that is. Tired of feeling bad tired of fighting. The one person I was always able to turn to I can't. Last night was a bit rough. Not a pleasent conversation at all. Then no good-night call, no morning call. After doing such things for so long, it hurts that there was none and who knows if they will happen again or not. Funny how we are slaves to habits.
Everything is a maybe. Its all up in the air depending if his bit of fun is avalible. I can't st around waiting all the time. I know steping aside is right, but completely? It is like the respect for us and our friendship is out the wndow. I mean we werent regular friends. He and I were closer than sisters, closer than best-friends. Inseperable for 4 years and that is saying a lot for 2 people that don't live in the same country.
I tried to make plans with him, that didn't work. He agreed, but gudgingly. So he said that that wasnt a request. Of course it is I told him. I asked , I asked nicely and he said yes. But he says he felt like he had no choice. So I told him nevermind. If he felt forced, then no. I want him to agree for different reasons not because I have forced him into something.
Yet yesterday I had requested the same thing and that was a no go. So I told him that. If I was demanding time, then he wouldn't be busy later. Of course that fact didn't make a difference.
So, I ask him, 'how am I to ask for things or to spend time or to do something, you know like normal?' Of course there is no way right now. He feels if I ask anything I am being pushy.  :(
There there we go. Currently I am out one best friend, (for now) in a town a million miles from home surounded by people that can't seem to accept me. Yay for me.  :(

Ok, I have tried a new templete again. I think this one looks much better. Now I just need to figure out how to put that Blogger bar back at the top of the page.  :P Anyone know how?
Oh and what do you think of the new look?

So yea, I feel oddly relaxed today. Nothing has really changed in my social center and I am still working on me. I got stood up aready today by a friend. (A different friend, not my best-friend with whom I am having the issues with) So yea, my friend was to be here at noon and it is now 2:30pm. So you would think and overly sensitive person like me (or like I have been lately) would be curled into a ball by now. But nope not today.
Hope this calm lasts,  :)
Take care all!  :)

Ok, working on a detox for myself. 2nd day into it.
It is part of my plan of improving myself. So yea, trying to cleanse my body here. The first day was ok and today too. One problem I see happening is that I need to still cook for my family. The detox has me taking specific things and not normal everyday meals. So here is to hoping for the best and that I have the strength to follow threw with this.
So wish me luck!  :)

Feels like he is avoiding me. He says he's not but I think he is just trying not to hurt my feelings. I have been a bit sensitive lately. Yet there are pretty obvious signs that he is.
Guess I just need to move on and if he is still my friend he will come aound and call me on his own. I guess when you get use to someone always there for you for quite a few years it is hard to let it go. makes me wonder why it seems to be so easy for him. I guess distractions are good at that. maybe he just dosen't realize?
I do have other things I need to be getting done. It is just so many things were going wrong lately, this is the last thing I needed. have you ever felt like falling threw a black hole and there seems to be no end in site?
Lets see, something good. That is one thing I have been trying, not to always be thinking about the bad stuff.
Currently I can only think that I am still breathing, but sometimes I feel like I can't even do that.
Ok, here... 2 old workmates I got along with back in the US I have found on Facebook. So yea, reunited with 2 old friends. Thats good.
Have a good day all! 

Ok, so my anni didn't really happen. Go figure. Things aren't that great with us at the moment, so it was no surprise. Also my best-friend has drifted off a bit. He dosen't seem to think so, but he has and it is hard to point that out to him without sounding like a wet blanket every time we talk.
It's hard when things are going bad and you feel like the person closest to you seems to have better things to do. I am trying not to be negative and making all of our time together depressing. I just can't figure out how to get threw to him and get my best-friend back. Normally when things are bad he is right there for me. But not this time. He has a little distraction at the moment so in the heat of it all, he has left me out in the cold.
It is more fun for him with that distraction than me being a wet blanket. I guess I can't compete with that.

Hope our friendship dosen't go south over this. I miss him a LOT!  :(

Yes, thats about it for today. Still breathing.
Little one is enjoying a birthday party. So I need to pick her up soon.
And I am trying to study. When your mind is full of stuff, you spend more time calming down trying to remove it than studying. Feels like I am getting nothing done.
Anyone has good techniques for focusing?

Not much to really say today. Things are looking grim on some fronts, but I am still trying to move forward. It's odd how people can be very suportive and understanding for years, then one day when it slightly effects them the understanding completely goes out the window.
Hopefully people will notice before it's too late. I miss my friend.  :(

Found some helpful articles on dealing with emotions. Of course what I had found out the other day I really have no control over so I need to learn to accept what is going on. Even tho it is driving me mad and depressed. I will never get my goals accomplished if I fall into a depression, so of course my goal tonight was to look up self help babble to find a way to deal or accept what is going on.
Not sure I am feeling totally better. I don't think that is realistic, but this website had a better range of articles than I have seen. I know nothing about the books here, but the articles sounded really decent.

Going threw a bad spot. Learned a bit of news that is just knawing at me and makes the world feel like a black pit of nothing.
What a shitty way to start the new year. Hope yours is better!

I am drawing a blank in how to move forward. I know what I want, I know where I want to be. Yet I see no clear path to get that way. I never have been good at puzzles and it is like I need to be to figure out how to make things work to get me there.

Just wanted to wish everyone a great year this year. Hopefully things will get better for all!!!