Just me

I am so tired. Emotionally that is. Tired of feeling bad tired of fighting. The one person I was always able to turn to I can't. Last night was a bit rough. Not a pleasent conversation at all. Then no good-night call, no morning call. After doing such things for so long, it hurts that there was none and who knows if they will happen again or not. Funny how we are slaves to habits.
Everything is a maybe. Its all up in the air depending if his bit of fun is avalible. I can't st around waiting all the time. I know steping aside is right, but completely? It is like the respect for us and our friendship is out the wndow. I mean we werent regular friends. He and I were closer than sisters, closer than best-friends. Inseperable for 4 years and that is saying a lot for 2 people that don't live in the same country.
I tried to make plans with him, that didn't work. He agreed, but gudgingly. So he said that that wasnt a request. Of course it is I told him. I asked , I asked nicely and he said yes. But he says he felt like he had no choice. So I told him nevermind. If he felt forced, then no. I want him to agree for different reasons not because I have forced him into something.
Yet yesterday I had requested the same thing and that was a no go. So I told him that. If I was demanding time, then he wouldn't be busy later. Of course that fact didn't make a difference.
So, I ask him, 'how am I to ask for things or to spend time or to do something, you know like normal?' Of course there is no way right now. He feels if I ask anything I am being pushy.  :(
There there we go. Currently I am out one best friend, (for now) in a town a million miles from home surounded by people that can't seem to accept me. Yay for me.  :(