Just me

It's late. I should be asleep. But it is one of thoes nights where the little one wakes up from a bad dream.
So here I am at 15 til 3am saying Hi to whomever might be reading my blog.

Hey there. Been a bit busy for the holiday as you've probably guessed.
I got all of one gift. Not even my husband got me anything this year. Well so far from what he says.
You know it isn't the getting gifts that bother me, it is more the feeling that you are forgotten or you don't really matter to your friends and family. So yea, been feeling a bit bad this holiday.
So I figured I would get back into major working-out again. I do workout, but light workouts currently. Before my kids were born I use to have a professional trainer and was into weightlifting.
I don't see this as a New Years resolution since I use to be a hardcore weightlifter before. Might get my mind off all the bad depressing stuff. Heres to hoping.

No posts. lately. Sorry. I had a fabulous time in Sweden and really really didn't wanna come back home yet. But I am back and blah. Hopefully I will be more perky soon and will have something meaningful to blog about.
Take care all. 

Heading to the happiest place on earth. Well at least for me. Gonna be in Sweden this week! 

*does the happy dance*
Have a great week!!!

Making plans, breaking plans.
So what do you do? Been invited to visit friends. So, I've made the plans, bought the tickets. Some that I had planned on visiting forgot the dates and made new plans. (Visiting more than one person over a week)
So now what? I haven't talked to them yet, but I am worried that they will break our plans. I am coming in from out of town. Yet the new plans are made with other family. (Meraning more important than me) and they are going out of town to them.
I think I will be the one screwed. I haven't spoken to them yet. I found out from someone else. Guess we will see what happens when I talk to him. My gut tells me that they will appologize, but wont change thier new plans. *sigh*

This is just driving me mad. We can get NOTHING done!
Shops here in Norway, at least where I live, close when everyone gets off of work. So unless you want to buy the cheap generic crap from superstore like places, you need to what???

It is like you have to take time off work to get any proper shopping done. Or give up your weekends and holidays to do it.
It is enough to drive a person mad. Certain places should have hours to work for the public. I have no clue how they make any money. One guy we spoke to about thier hours said that yea the shop opens way to early. He has most of his working hours doing nothing because most everyone is at work themselves.
ARGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tonight is today. Well I can't sleep again. This insomnia is a funny thing. It is not all bad tho. I tend to get most of my research, practicing Norwegian and a few other things done when I can't sleep.
I have been quite obsessed with researching that Swine Flu lately. I can not believe how many people don't want to hear that there is something wrong with this. It is like people need to belive what they are being told is the truth.

Is it that hard to research for yourselves? Well thats not fair. I do know a lot of people that are doing their own research, but still a LOT are just fine with following the recomendations.
I think my friends on my facebook are ready to kick me off thier friends list. I keep posting stuff everyday on this. But, this stuff is scarey! The harm that can and is being done for what? I have no clue why, other than money, that this vaccine is being pushed so hard onto people. There is no pandemic. More die of the normal flu. Then there are all the other scares thet has gone on.. SARS, west nile virus and so on.

Well, there was never a question in my house about this flu shot. Flu shots were proven almost 5 years ago that they don't work anyway. I just wish more people knew and read the reports on that.
Do your research please, stay healthy!

There is so many upsetting things lately I am having a rough time finding a light in all this dark.

I mean with all this Swine Flu BS! Yes, I believe it is all BS!
Have you seen the death rates compared to the normal flu? The Swine flu rates are nothing compared! The only thing I see to worry about it that vaccination that they are trying to scare everyone into taking.
I mean they are trying to recomment it to PREGNANT women!!! How mental can the doctors be??? Do you know what the ingredients in that vaccine can do to a developing fetus?!!! It makes one wonder if they are trying to kill us.
Scarey stuff I tell ya!

So something good. yes... Hmmm, besides me not being stupid enough to take that vaccine. I must say my best-friend. Gonna be on vacation soon for a visit. Got my tickets. Can't wait!  :)

No, not the song. Me
Seems everything that wants to go wrong is going wrong.
Sometime I feel like I am being punished.
But for what?

I heard a story today from a friend of mine.
It was about a little girl about 2 that was diagnosed with terminal cancer and died in the hospital.
The thing was (and to me this is terrible) her parents seemed to not be able to handle what was happening. So they left her in the hospital to die alone. A 2 year old baby that only really knew her parents love. Was left abandoned to die a painful death with strangers.
They never came to visit her, not even other family members.
The doctors had to call the parents to tell them she had passed away.

I find this very hearbreaking and sad.
Just felt the need to share.

I got hurt today.
I was doing a bit of packing. So I was sititng on the floor taking books off my bookshelf when all of a sudden a flashlight comes flying at me. Man that hurt!
Now why that was on the bookshelf and not in the cupboard where it belongs, I have no clue. The batteries were dead as well. So I think I need to have a talk with my kids.
So yea, a day ful of OUCH and blood. So much fun!

I just heard about this today.
Are people really mental enough to think in the end they will be better off?

Sad sad sad!!!

Ok. I am a bit annoyed.


One thing I enjoy doing is browsing about YouTube.
Yet when you come across something that the audio has been removed, it is very frustrating. Especially when it is because of a song in the background of a video when the actual video is of someone talking! You remove the song, but also remove the information/person with is the main point of the video! Bad FORM!

First off, when they do that it is Free Publicity for you!!! A lot of songs I run across I have never heard before and some I actually liked and some I ended up buying!
Secondly, a video like that will never replace actually just listening to the song! There is someone talking for goodness sakes!
Third off, doing that makes me not like your company to the point I will avoid you at all costs!

I KNOW I am not the only one that feels this way so, you aren't protecting anything. In the end you are loosing customers and doing wrong by the artists that sign with you.

I can understand if someone steals a music video, to stop that. But still, People want quality when they like something and you don't really get good quality on YouTube. People will buy what they like for the quality.

Why make yourself look bad and greedy this way?
So sorry Warner Music Group - WMG, I will be avoiding you from now on till you stop messing with these things.

Gonna be busy busy busy.
Got the keys to my new place so for a while it will all be packing and moving. So much fun.
There are some things I want to change, but they might be a bit too pricey for me, but we will see.

Lets just hope I sell my old place soonish.  :)

Time for my coconut oil bath, then bed. Oh I love that stuff!!!

I know who my friends are... I think

I know who I feel close to at least. Not sure how to treat someone I have known for a few years now. She is an odd one. I guess I will figure it out in time.

I just can't. I can not find anything good about this woman. I have given her the benefit of the doubt. You have to when kids are involved. I mean she did marry my ex and he really wasn't such a bad guy. Well till he met her. *sigh*


So many things she has done to prove she is a piece of garbage, to me, to my sisters to my son and to my ex! Yet people like her, my ex loves her, he use to have higher standards. So so sad. Even my mom likes her! If we get into any conversation about her or a situation that I tell my mom about, all my mom can do is defend her. You would think that she is her kid, not me.

At first I thought this might be jealousy on my part. You know her being with the first man I married. The guy that was suppose to be with me till death. Well yea, I am over that. It has been almost decade since we divorced and I have been over him for quite a long time now.

I have her on my Facebook. My husband has no clue why nor does my best-friend understand why she is there. It is mainly because my ex and I share a child and well with her married to my ex, she is a part of his life.

She is hugely religious. She broke up with my ex at one point because the church she attended told her to. They didn't like his attitude. She has a self richous personality and acts like she cares for everyone. Which is a load. I doubt I am the only one who sees it, but you would think that some people would notice it too.

I guess I am revisiting my major dislike for this woman for several reasons.

One, not to long ago my son has asked me why I wanted his brother dead... WHAT? I never said I wanted anyone dead let alone their kid! How the F could she tell my son such a thing?!!! She also told him my ex and my marriage fell apart because I cheated and left him for my current husband, which is a blatant lie as well!

My ex and her were together for 6 months before I met my current husband and a year before we started dating and longer than that before we met in person. (Yup long distance over the net, thats why I am in Norway now) She had worked with my ex for several years actually and told me once that she fell in love with him the day she met him. Almost what, 3 years before we ended our marriage. We use to chat a lot before I moved away, I think sometimes she forgot who she was talking to.

I have tried. I really did, but everytime something comes up with her, it makes me remember why I dislike her.
She is a horrible person and a horrible selfish mother.

I think I need to take her off my Facebook. My son isn't 18 yet, but I don't think I can stomach this woman anymore. It is sad tho, I know when I cut ties with her it will burn what was left of my relationship I had left with my ex. We were close friends even after the divorce. He use to be best-friends with my sister and my parents were very close to him as well. She has single handedly ruined his relationship with each and every one of them.

Sorry for the long vent. Hopefully I will have something better to post sometime soon.

I have a dream. I don't know how to achive it, but it is there. It hasn't left me. I have had this dream for 4 years now going on 5.
The intensity comes and goes. Well dosen't go go, the desire is always there. It is just some days I am more focused on it, thinking about it than other days.
Have you ever been so in love with a dream that there was no getting over it, just following a path trying to reach it?

It's so out of the ordinary how it happen no one believes it. So many assumptions fly about to what really happen. Till notes are read and medical reports are checked. Blind belief ion a chemical is not a good thing. Oh no!
Me being over weight... a hormone issue... but it is assumed I just have very bad eating habits. So of course I pass on that to my kids.
No No NO!
It's amazing how people can ignore what you are saying because they assume what they see and what they have experienced can only be the answer. Ok it is a bit infuriating.
Thank goodness when something was pointed out to me as a matter of fact was a total shock that they got the fact that we are telling the truth!
Attitudes changed assumptions seem to start disapearing and understanding that this is actually a different case all together.
Feel better.

Tomorrow. Not looking forward to it, not one bit. I have an appointment and had a friend that was comming with me to help with my understanding. (My Norwegian is pretty bad). Just found out he is sick and can't make it.
My husband has to come now and he has a phobia with this place. So yea, stress, grumpiness and perhaps fainting will occupy my day tomorrow. Oh joy!

My little one had her first real disapointment.
A party she was looking forward to all weekend. She had gotten ready today several hours before and refused to play so her dress would stay nice.
The party wasn't that great, the face painter didn't know how. She had me remove the paint the second we got home. Also it was very short party with a tiny play area. :(
Yes, it was not at the birthday girls home, but a fast food place.
Live and learn I guess.
Tomorrow she has a play date at one of thoes play land areas. So I think she will forget all about the party after tomorrow. :)

I just can't seem to get to sleep lately. Insomnia is such an interesting thing.
I have been forcing myself to get to bed by 3am, at the latest 5 am. But I end up still lying in bed staring up at the ceiling.
So you learn something new every day.. I have a few cracks in the ceiling paint. Hmm, maybe I should fix that one of these days.
Night.  :)

So much fun.
M: Time for bed...
S: I know mom...
10 minutes later....
M: Time to get ready for bed!
S: One sec mon...
M: NOW!
This went on for almost an hour. Needless to say he is grounded.

My grumble for the day. Hub called today, he was at the store picking up a few things. So he wanted to know if I wanted anything. So yea. I told him 3 things to pick me up. Apples, cheese and feminin thingys. So what did he come home with? None of them. He had kept me on the call for 10 minutes while he roamed around like he was getting the stuff I asked for.
I don't get it! So now it is midnight, I want a snack and all that is in the house is his junkfood. So I am stuck with sipping water tonight. Argh!!!

Good news. there is a fair in town this weekend for homeowners. Right in time since I need to fix up mine.

A day just like anyother day. Just kinda wish they were a bit better.
Legs hurt and when that happens I get moody. Well not moody because my legs hurt. I get moody because my hormones are off and make me moody and make my legs hurt.
So if I complain about my legs, you might find it best to stay away or just understand I am a nutball when they hurt.

Ok, tried a new template, but it dosen't look just right.
Not too versed on the codeing either. I know there are probably ways to make it work. Wish I knew this stuff a bit better.
Does it look as bad as I think it does?
(If there is no butterfly on it, then I must have changed it)

Ok, gotta pick one. Sleep or food.
Having issues going to bed to late and not eating breakfast. Which pattern needs to be adressed first?
My little one gets groggy in the mornings at school. She has a hard time falling asleep at night and completely refuses to eat breakfast in the morning.
In pre-school it wasn't a problem. They would feed her when she got to school, but in elementary school, they eat quite a bit later.
I really do think it is her not wanting to eat, my husband thinks it is the sleeping. She is always asleep by 10pm at the latest on school nights and gets over 9 hours on a normal basis. He wants her getting ready and in bed by 7:30 - 8. I have her getting ready at 8 and asleep by 10. Gotta get the teeth brushed, pj's on, story time.. yadda yadda. He will refuse her story time if it gets too late (even if it is his fault).

Don't you love conflict? Bah!

Don't you love it when you are just relaxing watching a show. Cuddling up nicely to get away from your troubles. Then you realize the show you turned on decides to hit home just all to well?

Bah, I hate when I start crying beacuse of a TV show.

It's late, I'm tired but being kept up. Someone isn't feeling well tonight and so I just can't sleep. Seems to always happen when my kids are ill.
By morning I will be exhausted and pass out on the couch while she watches some cartoons. So a good 2 to 3 hours of for me.

I've been feeling a bit better myself lately. I am not sure if it is because I am writing this blog or just because I am feeling better.
My situation hasn't really changed, but my mood is. I guess that is the key. If we feel better, things don't seem as bad as they are. Last week I felt everything was hopeless. Well they are, the main things in life I wan't aren't possible. Yet this week, I am not brooding so much over it. Lets hope this feeling lasts. It is much better than the pathetic pityness I usually feel for myself.
I never use to be a cry baby about things at all, but lately this shit just hurts and I can't get out of that mood for the day once I get there.
So yea, this weekend has been nice.

Yup thats me. I am a sucker for photo blogs it seems. I just added anothe one that I liked.

Good day, good food.
Had a few friends over today. It has been a year since we spent any time together. So it was really nice to see them again.
They have a little one with them now. Boy does she have the brightest eyes and a very active peronality! I see too many babies with glossy eyes that realize nothing is going on about them but the top of a pram they are stuffed into.
It was so refreashing to see this bundle of joy! Hopefully we can spend more time together in the future.
Really good day.

Ok, talked to K the other day and I am good to visit again! Yippy!!!
I love when I can take trips to Göteborg! Oh I am happy today about that.
So far I have gone there 2 years in a row to throw a dinner party for Thanksgiving. Ok I know it is not celebrated there.
See, a few years back I wanted to share a bit of my culture with K. So I decided it would be Thanksgiving. So the only thing that is really missing when I do that dinner is the American football. But you know what... I am so fine with that!  :)
We had invited some of his family and they liked it so much I was invited back again the next year if I wanted to do it again.
Seems it is a hit. I have been invited back for a 3rd time.
Time to plan and dream about pumpkin pie! Yummmm

Not sure. Seems like it, feels like it.
We shall see, I really don't see how things could get better in that situation. I kinda knew if I told a few things that the truth might push certain people away. Yet I didn't really think about that when I opend my mouth last night.
As for good? The sun is out and it is pretty outside. Maybe I will get the urge to go out there at some point.

I like this version that some Goths have done. There movements are much more smooth and just feels better to watch for me.

Goth Single Ladies

Yea, the song is ok.
Yet is seems a lot of people like copying her dance moves from her video.
Some do better than her in my opinion. her moves seem too jerky and too sluty for a professional artist. Feels more like she should be on the stage of a strip club and not at an award ceremony.

Single Ladies

Oh yea, and that one handed glove look.. A bit too Michael Jackson for me.

Love the food.

Pinnekjøtt
Fårikål
Lapskaus

Yummy stuff and the laws regarding food are strict with makes it a much healthier lifestyle. Less temptation, I like that.

Norwegian cuisine

Ok, did it. I changed the name and description. Put a little more of a personal spin on it. Actualy it was kinda long, the description that is. It said max 500 characters and at first I had almost 900. So yea, I had to cut it down a bit.

But at least now there is a bit of an idea whats up with me. ;P

I am not asking many questions here and not really getting responces. So I am thinking about changing the name of the blog. Not too sure what to call it tho. Maybe 'Little Tidbits'... Hmm. I will have to think about this.
Any ideas?

Made it. Had to get stuff done at the hospital. Instead of getting out by 5, I had to stay the night. I will just pretend that I was there because they liked me, not because of complications.
But I am home now and feeling better.
Hope everyone is good.  :)

Yesterday was a bit crazy. Ended up in the hospital most of the day.
Man I hate hospitals. The closemindedness is boggling sometimes.
Well I am home now. All is well. Well so to speak.

Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed

You said move on
Where do I go
I guess second best
Is all I will know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes

You're like an Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I've had the best
You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test

He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into...

You're the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now the lesson's learned
I touched it I was burned
Oh I think you should know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay...

(Katy Perry - Thinking Of You)

I know the things I want. I know what I don't want. I just don't know how to get what I want.
Seems that the things that I want get in the way of other people- So I don't have them. So how do I become happy with settling or how do I get what I want without it interfearing with the ones I love?

Hoping to figure this one out some day.

The word is fat.
Yes I am, just a bit. Not as big as some but definatly bigger than others.
So is this good or bad? Some men like thier woman skinny and some fat. My husband makes no comment on it. He says he love me and thats that, but it isn't like I light his fire anymore either.

I have never been into fasion or bothering with my apperance, but that was before I had weight. My face really dosen't hold it well and I don't like how I look at all. I do think that it is becoming noticable in my behavior that I am not too happy with myself.
I started to work on make up and next will be clothing. I want to be able to get out of bed, put on a pair of jeans and t-shirt just like I use to and look good.
Meh!


P.S. Just as a side not, my weight issue is a hormone issue that started when I had my kids, not an eating one, so getting on a diet and loosing weight isn't the answer for me. I do eat healthy and work out. So this is something I have to live with.

So it seems that everytime I am in a good mood, my behavior makes the people closest to me grumpy.
Could it really be me? Hmmmm

An old friend called me today. So thats good. :)

Trying to take time to get some "me" time in and everything tries to get into the way. It is like a light bulb goes off in peoples minds that it is the best time to call me is right now! Argh...argh... grumble.. grumble.

Good thing is the kitty is at least giving me space, nice and cute fast asleep.

Göteborg.
I love this city!!!
Since the first time I visited. I stepped off the train and I was hooked.
I came to surprise a friend for his birthday. So two of his friends were gonna meet me at the station, but they were delayed a couple of hours. Yet I was so taken with the city that I didn't care. This was about 3 years ago and I can't get enough of the place. Whenever I have a week, I get on a train and head back. It feels like home to me now. To bad I may never get to live there permanently.

Here's to hoping!
Skål!

The sound of the rain on the roof, it is just music to my ears!

So yea, nope, no house. Seems people loved it a little more than we did.

On the up side, my best-friend is still about.
Not sure I am really happy about this lying kick he is on, but I think I am getting it. He wants time to himself and it seems he dosen't want me to feel bad that he wants to be alone during time we normally spend. (Between work and stuff, in the evenings is his only free time and we usually spend it together.) So instead of telling me to go away and give him space, he says he is going to bed and of course I will not feel bad about him being tired. So hopefully I will be Ok with that and not obsess in wondering if he is really tired. I can tend to obsess.

Good thing, is I get to relax for a few more days. Someone else is working in the shop for now since I am not good at what is going on, so a little less stress.
Hope whoever is reading this, you are well and have a great night.  :)

I asked a question, just one and it was like I had stripped him down and tied im to a chair with a light shining on his face. *sigh*

OK, so I am not too happy today, so I thought of a theme for this blog. I need to always find one thing at least good. AND I can't always repeat the same thing. So I need to look for something new and good all the time. Gesh, I am mean!
I  mean I woke up today at 7:30am and haven't really been out of bed all day, just lying there. I feel shitty  and I feel shitty a lot, so that is a tall order to find something good all the time.
I was SOOO depressed today because it seems my best-friend is trying to get away from me. He is sick of me right now (I'm hoping just right now). Lately I have been catching him lying to me to just to get away. Even when we have been away from each other for a while. So like last night when we finally had a chance to talk, he said he had to go to bed. You know work in the morning and had a small headache. Well, he was on the computer playing games all night. (These are the games we play together on line always, so if he is on, I can see it) So I tried to call him to see if he wanted me to join and nothing, no answer. So not only did he lie about needing to go, he ignored my calls. He was still there 2 hours later, but I left it alone. If he needed space he needed space. He had to have known I logged in because the games informs of other friends playing.
I think I am more upset that he felt he had to lie about it. Not sure if we still have a friendship if he needs to resort to that.  :(  Is our respect out the window? He just needs space? You know, it hurts when the closest person to you does this shit. It is like a slap in the face or something.

Ok, so something good. Found a house and we are finally planning on actually putting a bid on. So we will see how that goes. Something to look forward to.

Some days seeem to be better than others. Like today. Something I have been waiting for for several months has finally happend. Not exactally the way it was suposse to, but it is better than it not happening at all. So that is good.
On the bad side, I lost a friend. Well not really lost, more let go. Guess when you find out a friend has no respect for you and your opinions, what else is there to do? I never expected her to agree with all my opinions, but at least respect me that I have them. The funny thing it wasn't even my opinion that I was stating. I knew she disagreed with me on my opinion on the subject, so I was just being suportive with her situation, being sympathetic and expressing a good way to get back to what SHE believed on the subject. If I was going with my opinion and pushing it on her, I wouldn't have been suportive and would have just told her I was glad the way things happend, it is better this way! But I just get yelled at and muted on skype and ignored like I am some insensitive nutter. F that!
Perhaps this is for the best I guess. We will see.

Hello there,
Yes I have blogged before and was very very lazy about it. Yet it is something I do like to do. Send thoughts into the world and get other peoples views.
This time hopefully I can keep up with it. I have going threw some horrid times lately and it is either give up or try something new. Well, this is not exactally new, the blogging thing, but reaching out. This is a new site and a new community with it and we will see what happends.
I am not gonna start ranting about my problems. That would just bore everyone to death and make me look pretty pathetic. So I will talk about issues as they come up if I am so inclined.
So hello all and welcome to part one of trying again. :)
/waves