Just me

A kilo over night? Huh?
Maybe my scale is broke. Hope not!

It has been cold lately. Nice, pretty, sunny, HUGE clouds and hail. It is almost summer. What happen to the warm weather?

I didn't eat cake. 17th of May is full of parades, bunads, ballons, Ice cream and tons of avalible cakes at the schools.
Yet I didn't have any. I use to enjoy this aspect of the holiday. Guess my love for cake is officially dead.

I would have told you about my day.
Bought some clothes, can you believe it? Me? Went shopping!!!
Well I have lost over 23 kilos now. I do need new clothes, nothing fits me anymore.
A size medium for the shirt. It was great! I don't look too fantastic ya know, but the sight of me in the mirror  didn't make me cry!  Yay me!

Man, I miss you!  :(

Check your stuff.
There is soo many places on line to have profiles and some people that have so many so some get neglected.
Yet I don't have an e-mail!
Check your stuff!

Since the last post was about my weight loss, I figured I would fill you in just a bit with my issues on it.

First off I don't gain weight. I've only gained during my pregnancies, never before in my life (except for childhood growth of course) did I gain weight or ever again after. I use to be a diligent gym go'er. You get kinda turned off to such things when you work so hard for years to just gain weight that wont go away. So I stopped working out everyday at gyms about 6 years after my first pregnancy. Nothing was getting lost. (Funny, even after I stopped going to the gym I didn't gain weight either!) Very strage I thought. For years I couldn't wrap my head around it, so I just focused on another part of my life then.


Well I figured it out. At least I figured it out for me. POISONS! Thats all it was, spices and some "healthy foods" that had hidden POISONS in them. So I eat the same, the only difference is I create my own spice mixes, and a few sauses I liked and dishes I just make from scratch. My favorite dishes even taste better now! :)

Nothing too radical. I don't go raw, I can't see me not cooking, I love cooking. I can't go vegetarian. I get too tired. I checked a while back metabolic typing and I seem to be more on the protien side and I prefer to get my protien from animal sources. From my lifestyle and ability to get foods, it is just the best source for me. So threw the years I have dabbles in a few things.
Oh... I do avoid sugar at all costs. It is HARD to do this, so it is the only thing I pay attention to. I don't even count calories. I just make sure there is no sugar in the food I am getting. The only exception is fruit. I love fruit!  :)

I only drink water. I will drink juice or broth if I am sick. Also on special occasions I will drink with friends. I set aside 2 days a week where I can eat anything I want, that way if I go out with friends or to a party, there is no guilty feelings. Stuff like that can ruin good eating habits. You get guilty, then you get sad, then you give up and eat. No comfort foods for me please. I don't want or crave them.

So I figured it out for me, Yay ME!

What is the ideal weight? There is so much info and the range is so huge. 16 kilo's is the range about. I want to get a little more specific to make a target weight. Or since I changed my lifestyle and not really my diet, do I just go with what I end up with?

So again, first off, whatever target weight I set I am over half way there!
After my last child was born I ended up at 96 Kilos!!! (Ouch! For someone that went threw life at 50 kilos before children, this is a HUGE blow. Especially with the active lifestyle I had.)
If you have noticed the numbers  in my subject line, that is where I have kept track of my weight loss. So yup, now I am at 73.6. My pre pregnancy weight of 50 might be a bit out of my reach for my age. My height is about 160 (5'2"). The table I looked at said 47.5 to 61.5 kilos. So where in that 16 lbs do I fit in?

Things that are said keep spinning and spinning in my head. Hopefully after a few days it will relax. Why Can't I control my own wants! Argh!!!

Back and forth, back and forth. Now back. it's done. I have told him I am going away. Backing off until I can handle life again. It is hard when you meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with just to find out it will never be reality. Your emotions kinda do a LOT of rebeling.
Funny thing is I am normally not a depressed person. Life dosn't normally suck for me. So when this situation happend to me I was unprepared.
I have been in many relationships, break-ups. being taken by someone that wasn't taken by me, and visa versa. So I have been in this situation before. So I thought I was prepared.
This one was different, this one my mind had decided (or my soul?) that he was thee ONE!

I wasn't prepared.
Wish me luck that he isn't the ONE and there is hope for my future.

I need that. Or maybe just a tad bit of motivation?
There are things I want and things I would like to do. I guess I just need a fire up my tush to do it. My motivation right now stinks and I am pretty sure I can be a bit more creative about things to do or get accomplished. You know, knowing things I want dosent me I know what I want.
Like I want work, but what kind? It is hard to get a job here not being so good with the language. So I need to get creative about thoughts to find something that will work. I am not keen on just being a maid at a hotel. Which seems to be all I am useful at the moment since I can't speak Norwegian.

Ideas! I need Ideas!
*bangs head against the wall* j/k

Talked with him tonight. Well most of the day. We can't seem to leave each other alone. If I back off, he comes forward, if he backs off I do.
I guess somewhere deep down we need each other.
He dosen't want me to go away. I told him I was going. He is happy on a level I can't provide and him knowing that it makes me sad, makes him miserable. (Sad that I can't be that person in his life, but not sad that he is happy. I am actually very happy about that.) So no matter what we have done lately, we have been upset, fights, crying, just pure misery.
After that talk, we played games a bit. It was like we have never fought.
I hope this good feeling between us lasts. Too soon to tell, so I wont hold my breath, but I can hope!  :)

Wayyy too cold today. Went for a walk and I got a headache from not wearing a hat.
The sun was shinning and it was very warm in the jacket. So decieving.

Watch I get sick! Bahhhh

There she blows...
The wind is vicious today. Sun is shining and the wind is killing all the warmth.
Still pretty out. Nice to see the sky after a few days of gloomy skies and rain.


Miss you Sweets.