Just me

Calming down about things. I wonder if my mind is getting it or I am just going numb about it. I guess it really doesn't matter as long as I am calmer.
I still don't get a lot of it. I know how he is with me, so for him to sit by and not meet me half way to help make this easier is beyond me, but such is life I guess.

On to other things.
The kids are out of school for a week. Time to focus on them more.  :)

Kids, party, movies, hot dogs and cake.
Enough to drive a mommy mad  :P

Sat, relaxed, had a cup of tea with a friend.
Was nice to forget about all the crap for a little while.

Thats the word of the day. Well not here. I don't really plan on not posting anymore yet.
There are just a few things I need to say good-bye to right now.
Don't really want to, but seems no other way. Out with the bad in with the... what? Hopefully something good will come out of this.

So good-bye. Love you forever.

I wanna sleep, but can't. Seems my mind wont shut it. I hear everything. The floors creaking, the clock, my husband breathing. Not to mention every little itch, tickle and annoyance you can think of that will keep you awake.
The thing is I am tired. So why can't I just pass out? *sigh*

Feeling better about things today. I am a bit up and down about all this stuff, which is quite annoying. So hopefully this accepting mood I am in best stay.
I over heard some stuff that I ummm, really didn't want to hear. People need to learn to leave rooms when they get a call and have an open mic on sometimes. I don't understand Swedish all that well, but I understood enough to get the jist of the conversation. I wasn't trying to easdrop, but the open mic and they were talking right next to it, so it was very clear and hard to ignor.

It really really wasn't something I wanted to hear. After thinking about what was said, it made me glad I am where I am with my friend. Not gonna go into detail, but I think it was actually a good thing I heard and understood a bit of it. It gave a bit of clarity.

Yay!

Well, feeling a bit sick to my stomach. Over heard something today that I really really didn't want to hear.
My life is just a bowl of cherries lately.

Well not new, just back I guess. Starting up an old game again. Been off for quite a while, but I have to do something. Every game I use to play I played with my friend. It is depressing to go and not have him about.
He said he needs time/space/whatever. Sometimes that request is legit, but sometimes that means a person is moving on.
Only time will tell, but until then. I need to calm down. Hope this helps.

Nope, got nothin today or yesterday or the day before that.
I am kinda tapped out. To emotional. Ok, I am one of thoes overly sensitive people, Well not really. Only in certain situations I am. So I am a bit tired now. Been sleeping for a couple days.
Maybe I got the flu.

Blah blah blah.. my friend... Blah blah.. Not the same.
Yes I know I have been completely one track minded about this situation. So... so it's boring to hear about all the time. I get it. It is hard to talk about other things when your mind is so consumed by it.
I have tried to read, watch movies, excersise, go out, play games, knit. Yea so now what?
So putting things out of my mind and not focusing on it is not working.
Any thoughts? Ideas to work threw this? My heart is broken and my mind keeps pointing it out to me like a broken record.

Untill then, here I go trying to focus again. This time it will be on my Norwegian studies. I do do this everyday, not sure how well it is helping, but maybe some day I will be able to speak it.

Not the same at all.
No talking, just habit. Seems like he doesn't want to talk to me at all really. Were quiet more than not and I can hear in his voice there is more things bothering him than our issue. Yet, he will not open up to me any more. Perhaps in time. I do hope so.
Part of me feels he still gets comfort that we are on a call. Thats the habit part. The other part is that he feels obligated since I am down about us and he feels responsible. I guess that part isn't a good thing.

Here to hoping it will get better!

I am thinking it was just habit.  :(

I sit here with too much time on my hands. It may only be 5 minutes, but it feels like forever.
I love you and for some cosmic reason, that dosen't matter in the whole scheem of things.
I want to hear your voice. laugh with you, go places, talk, eat, just hang out. To think of a future without you makes life seem empty.
I can't do any of those things now. I can't even listen and be there for you, comfort you, you wont let me. You almost did. You almost talked, but stopped yourself. Things are no good now.
Is it time to walk away? I don't want to, but how can we go on? I am so lost.
I miss you my Sweets.

I want to scream. I don't get people at all!!!

Last night he went out late (about 10pm). So no gaming or anything. I didn't expect to hear from him. Then around 10:30pm I got a text that he would be around when he got home. So ok, I went on the computer about midnight. Around 1:30am he shows up.
We chat for about what, 10 minutes, about nothing really. He said he was tired. So I asked him if he wanted to head to bed. He said.. 'No, I told you I would chat with you so I am, and I want to be here.'
So ok, I stayed on. Nothing more was really said. Just a bit of small talk then he cuddled up in bed and feel asleep as we were talking.
(Ok, that might sound odd to some, but for us it is pretty normal. When one of us is really down or hurting, we will do this. It is one of the way were are there for each other. It gives a feeling like we are cuddling and falling asleep together. You know in a comforting way.)
So basically, last night he needed me. Usually he tells me why he is feeling so down, but with everything that has happend lately, I seem not to be privi to that information. Yet when he needed someone, he came to me.
Good sign or just habit?
We're actually talking this afternoon too. Yea, it isn't too normal for us to be chatting on-line in the afternoon. We are busy people. I just wish I knew why he needed me right now. But I am glad he does.  :)

Hoping for the best!